


Outside Help

by Blubunn



Series: You're Beautiful [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Comfort/Angst, Drabble, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Future Fic, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-10 10:27:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12909999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blubunn/pseuds/Blubunn
Summary: Dean and Castiel ease into working with Dean's self-esteem issues with the help of professional advice.





	Outside Help

Dean scratched his stomach as he let out an audible yawn. He stood in his robe, waiting patiently for his coffee to brew. He fiddled with his phone, flipping through news articles and looking for keywords that were programmed in his mind to jump out at him. When the last drip sounded and the final gurgle of the machine died away, Dean poured himself a full mug. As he turned toward the table, bringing the cup to his lips, he found Castiel standing in the doorway with his eyes trained on him.   
  
“Damn it, Cas!” Dean growled from the hot coffee that splashed over his chest when he jumped at the sight of his angel. “I told you about that.”  
  
Castiel lowered his eyes apologetically. He always tried very hard not to stare at Dean without his knowing about it. It was a difficult habit to break after watching humans for so long. Despite that poor excuse, he really did try to be better about following Dean’s wishes. “I’m sorry, Dean,” he murmured as he stepped closer to him. “I didn’t mean to. I just…” he pressed his hand to Dean’s chest so his Grace could wipe away the mess and the lingering sting of the burn, “got distracted…”  
  
Dean relaxed, tucking his knuckle under Castiel’s chin to bring his eyes up to meet his own. “What has you so distracted?” he questioned with just a hint of an uncomfortable smile, knowing.  
  
It had been over a year since they started talking about Dean’s feelings toward Castiel bringing up the beauty of his soul. They talked, at length, about Dean feeling like Castiel was forcing him to see something that wasn’t there. They talked about why Dean didn’t believe it was there. They talked about what he could do to alleviate his feelings of self loathing. They talked about what Castiel could do to help him. What Dean actually believed would help him.  
  
Eventually, they agreed it was time for outside help. They found a psychologist that could help them talk about what needed to be talked about. That was the hardest because they needed someone who not only knew about the challenges of being a hunter, but someone that Dean could be comfortable with enough to share what was going on in his mind without forcing himself. There weren’t a lot to choose from to begin with, just over a dozen spread out in America, but Castiel was patient as they travelled the country meeting with all of them until Dean green lit one that Castiel also felt would help. It was important that Dean was comfortable, but it was also important that they both agreed on whoever it was. Their doctor worked with both of them, together and separately, and even though they both still had a lot of work to do, they came to a place they could handle for now.  
  
Dean brushed his lips against Castiel’s for a brief moment before he let out a heavy breath. “Okay, Cas,” he whispered, “lay it on me.”  
  
Castiel glanced down at Dean’s coffee cup before he eased into it, “When you’re just waking up, and your soul comes to life with you, it starts out quiet.” He drew Dean’s gaze toward the stove and a burner came to life. “It looks like any other soul, hot and blue, but then it spreads,” he turned on the other burners, one by one,  "before it flares to life.“ He brought the flames up high and formed the blue flames into one giant fireball.  
  
"Cas, that’s dangerous,” Dean protested, relaxing only when Castiel dispersed the flames and turned off the stove.  
  
“I get to see that every time you wake up beside me. When you get excited to have that first sip of coffee. That’s your soul, Dean,” Castiel looked back up at Dean. He heard the low hiss of Dean’s breath as he inhaled, readying himself for what was coming. Castiel’s gaze didn’t falter as he said confidently, “Dean, you’re beautiful.”  
  
They held each other’s gaze for a moment, Castiel willing Dean to feel it and Dean trying to accept it. Finally, Dean’s gaze lowered and he side stepped Castiel, only just brushing his fingers with his own, in quiet acknowledgement, as he went to sit at the table with his coffee. Even with his back to him, Castiel saw his soul. It wavered and flickered as shadows of doubt passed over it, but its light held true. He didn’t have to look at Dean’s face to know he was smiling a little, and that made Castiel smile a little as well.  
  
Castiel knew that Dean’s acceptance of himself was still out of reach, but they were closing in on it. Dean would love himself one day


End file.
